” April is sexual abuse awareness month.
Time. To. Tell. Our. Stories.
I was abused by a priest beginning at age 5. Impregnated by same priest while still in elementary school. Miscarried. Lost the baby. My innocence and my childhood. Several surgical procedures while still in elementary school and continuing through my first year of high school. Mother kept ‘my secret’???? My secret?????
At 15….a nun enters my life. A nun paid attention to me! A nun. A holy woman. She paid attention to me! She seemed to care. She told my did not love me, but she did. She listened to me. She was 36. She groomed me. I told her about the priest and the miscarriage. She told me, “he was a sick man and it wasn’t his fault” and then she took me under her wing and into her bed. She told me she loved me. She gave me valium, and gifts and time. She fed me alcohol. She drugged me to make me more compliant. She taught me how to please her. She sexually abused me. She broke me.
It was the Stockholm Syndrome. I felt I would have died for her. She isolated me from my friends and family. No one intervened. Her community knew. They did not intervene. She took me into convents up and down the east coast from Florida to Nova Scotia and back to New Jersey. Always through the backdoor and up the back staircase to the second floor…passing others nuns who would literally turn their backs as I entered… and exited the next morning. I was ripe for the picking. The priest had prepped me well.
She gave me to another priest who was a friend of her family. She told me that priest had abused her also.
In my forties I went to the Catholic Church. I spoke. I asked for help. They shut me up. They hired a Canon lawyer who was a nun. She was heartless. It was incest they said not clergy sexual abuse. “We are not responsible”, they said. They told me they would pray for me.
They had many excuses for dismissing me. They made me sign a confidentiality agreement and ‘gave’ me $20,000 for therapy. The therapist, and each session, had to be pre-approved by Mother Superior… not so Superior. It was humiliating. I was begging for help.
I escaped the only way I knew how. Alcohol. Drugs. They left me broken, alone, shamed and blamed…with the inability to have a meaningful relationship with anyone. I went public. My family abandoned me. I lost friends. I lost my faith. PTSD became my constant companion.
I returned to the church again 10 years ago and told them I was not okay. It was hard to ask for help. It was hard to admit I was still broken. I needed therapy. They shamed me again. They blamed me again. They dismissed me again. Then they gave the pedophile nun a huge party celebrating her years of commitment to her religious community and her vows of Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience. They pinned a corsage on her.
April is sexual abuse awareness month. It’s time to tell our stories. It’s time to hand back the shame. It’s time to hand back the blame. I called the church officials two days ago. I called the religious community of the pedophile nun and asked for therapy… nothing more. I called the Diocese of the pedophile priests and asked for therapy…nothing more. They ignored me and dismissed me again.
Today, following the courageous example of a Survivor .. I called the billboard company.
This is my story. ”
In Gratitude ❤ ~ ❤ ….
My response to her testimony, ” Thank you so much, for sharing your story. My husband was molested by his priest in the 50’s~~ and it did him so very much harm~ I did not know, he was bi-sexual, until a few years after his death at age 50, I think he had a broken heart 😦 ❤ ~~ I belong to several groups in my process of healing. With your permission, I wish to copy and paste your story and share it with many, in Gratitude ❤ ~ ❤ “